TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND THE FIH WAY

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[Magpie]

This was started by redscotty and I think it has potential to devlop into a very funny thread. Well done redscooty

[nerd_is_the_word]

disclaimer: no actual person is depicted in this cartoon. All impressions, of both celebrities and groups in general are fictional and protected under copyright section 107 'fair-use work'. No animals were harmed during the making of this parody, expect for the goats required to be slaughtered for their hearts in order to create the proper working environment. This parody was created in no way to offend but to shed light on current political and social atmospheres developed by team sports in general and hockey in particular. If you are in any way offended by this parody please dont hesitate to contact me, i have the tissues if you have the issues

[Redscotty]

The Evil DR Goalie, nestled in his secret lair "the Net" sourounded by his zombie-like slaves "the defenders", rubs his strangley deformed hands (one weirdly shaped like a long, thin, and razor sharp hook-the other flattened and grotesquely enlarged) together and says

"I have discovered FORWARD-MAN's one weakness, A substance that will instantly reduce FORWARD-MAN to a blubbering mess of tears and anxiety- its called KRITISCISM-NITE, as mineral found only on the planet TRAINING-NITE, somewhere FORWARD-MAN has never been, nor is he ever Likely to visit"

Leader of the "the defenders" replied "sorry Boss, You'll have to yell that in an unfeasibly loud way to ensure that we can understand you through your really really scary face mask"

An enraged Evil DR Goalie roars, in a voice that could be heard from orbit " You dare to Defy me, The Evil DR Goalie? Just be sure that you mark up when FORWARD MAN towards my Lair.

Hidden in the shadows, Middie, the lowly mid-field sidekick of FORWRD-MAN thinks "Holy Sledge-fest, DR Goalie will trap FORWARD-MAN  evil KRITISCISM-NITE. I'll Have to get FORWARD-MAN to the the Planet TRAINING-NITE- But How?

Stay tuned for the next exciting installment of "DR Goalie and the Circle of DOOOOM!", See FORWRD-MAN bravely state" I don't need to go to TRAINING-NITE, Middie. You go, I've got it covered, tell me what it's like",

See Middie look on in amazement as FORWARD-MAN eagerly wastes opportunity after opportunity, in the face of danger, and against the clock.

KEEP IT GOING SOMEONE  

[nerd_is_the_word]

So middie went to FORWARD-MAN that very night and said 'FORWARD-MAN i have discovered DR Goalie's secret weapon he intends to use on you, its called KRITISM-NITE and its found only on the planet TRAINING-NITE, i have been there before and we may be able to travel there to instigate the help of the all knowing COACH to find a weapon against it'

FORWARD-MAN, rather hammered from his favourite drink 'Alcomahol' after defeating his minor enemy ' SARGENT UMPIRE' uttered only one sentence 'I dno't need to go to TRAINING-NITE, Middie. You go, I've got it covered, tell me what it's like.'

So under the cover of darkness Middie travelled through rain, hail and sleet to the planet of TRAINING-NITE where he met with the all wise COACH who gave him valuable advice to defeat DR goalie, 'He must use this curved piece of wood to smash this small white rock into the core of DR goalies hideout, the net. Once he has done that then the KRITICISM-NITE in DR Goalie's arsenal will no longer have any affect on him.' So Middie took the curved piece of wood and small white rock back to FORWARD-MAN to tell him the secret of defeating DR Goalie.

But on his trip back to help FORWARD-MAN he found FORWARD-MAN's other nemesis SARGENT UMPIRE trying to stop him with a new weapon he called the OBSTRUCTION-ATOR.

will Middie be able to get around the OBSTRUCION-ATOR? or will FORWARD-MAN be forever doomed to a life of missed shots and having DR Goalie sliding at his feet?

NEXT PERSON

[Redscotty]

FORWARD MAN laughed and said "I have seen your kind before, Sergeant Umpire. Your only weapon is the dreaded WHISTLE of the ancients, a puny device that has the sound of young girls squeal and the power of a 40 watt light globe! BEHOLD, tyhe true power of my super sonic sonar TANTRUM!!!

and FORWARD MAN let fly with a tantrum of deluxe proportions, (fully tricked up with foot stamping and arm waving, and a fair bit of bad language)

"HA HA HA!!" laughed Sergeant Umpire, "you have yet to see my full array of weapons!!"

and to the horror of Middie, our hard working, clean living hero, Sergeat Umpire delved into the folds of lurid, fluoro pink cape and withdrew the dreaded CARD OF THE YELLOW.

FORWARD-MAN's eyes bulged out of his head, a large and pulsing vein appeared in his neck, and for an instant he was struck speechless.

"yes FORWARD MAN, I banish thee to the land of the Directors, where upon you shall sit in limbo until a time comensurate with my bidding shall pass"

Forward man, in a trance, is about to continue with his TANTRUM, when the desparate, heroic and hard working Middie shouts to him "NOOOOOOO! Forward man, do not tempt him to use the CARD OF THE RED, and banish thee for all eternity"

NEXT

[nerd_is_the_word]

So FORWARD MAN left for the land of the directors where he was forced to spent a predetermined amount of time on the BENCH OF THE DIRECTORS. It was when he was on this bench however that the all wise COACH saught him out to give him the advice he required, 'FORWARD MAN, The next time SARGENT UMPIRE blows his whistle of the ancients and points towards our base so as to allow the defenders the chance to breach our defences and place the white rock there you must not go into your TANTRUM. You must do something that i cannot myself do. You must step 5m from the rock and stop the ball with a stick when it is smashed at you.'

At which point the COACH gave him the everlasting drink of POWDERADE which revitalised FORWARD MAN so that when SARGENT UMPIRE summoned him from his place of banishment he could stand near DR Goalie's base and wait even longer for Middie to gain the power to give him the white rock.

[Redscotty]

This is getting pretty lord of the rings, whereas it started out kind of Marvel comics.

"Holy Whiskers FORWARD MAN, is that Gandalf?"

No, Little buddy, thats DR Goalies REALLY evil Brother. He fell into a vat of molten foam rubber, and he was somehow twisted into "THE ANIMAL"

LOL

[nerd_is_the_word]

ha ha shuttup, i couldnt think of anything else to name the bench, hold up ill change it for you then

and i wasnt going as much for marvel comics as i was BLOKE MAN: 'But i dont work sundy's or me day off'

[cynick]

After a short aside the adventure of FORWARD-MAN continue...

Having taken up his customary position at the edge of DR Goalies lair, FORWARD-MAN glances around for his trusty side-kick Middle. 'Holy Hoola-hoops Middle, where are you? I've been back 3 second and still haven't seen ball!!' Unbeknownst to our intrpid hero, Middle has been called back to DAFENCE,  to fight the roving hordes of DR Goalies henchmen. Will FORWARD-MAN rescue his loyal sidekick. Can he make it past the HALFWAYLINE?

Stay tuned for further adventures of FORWARD-MAN

[Magpie]

Forward Man and his side kick Middle Man together again looked at the task ahead.

“Holy Far Away, do we have to go that far with this white rock to capture the Animal” exclaimed Middle Man.

“Yes……Chum…. We…..Do” explained Forward Man., “It also appears that SARGENT UMPIRE has forgiven you and is pointing for us to go forward, and forward we shall go chum, you first”

“Holy Turnaround Forward Man lets go” he grabs the white stone on the end of his stick and charges off, “WAIT Chum” screams Forward Man “it’s a trap, don’t cross that white line”. Middle man did not hear he was too excited, too young, too dumb, too full of (ooops family forum).

As Middle Man crossed the white line three shadowy poorly dress villains appeared, the names on their black shirts were Phil, Dill and Nil the half wits.  “Careful Chum, they are deaf, dumb and blind” roared Forward Man (who was also being careful not to cross the white line), then thinking to himself that the reason they are so far away from the EVIL ONE and his minions is that it is rumored that the EVIL ONE smells, LIGHT BULB! “Middle man, look at there noses” shouts Forward Man “Holy proboscis” exclaims Middleman “there huge”.

“Stay upwind Middleman, I’ll sneak around then you pass me the white rock, when I call” explained Forward man, “Holy Laundromat Forward man I’ll take them for a spin”

Up a head, in the shadows of the net laid the lurking Hulk of the EVIL Animal, beady reds eye gazing out from behind his mask. Two his left a black gothic creature covered in similar foam crouched, to his right a black and white creature also covered in foam stretched its wings, and both hideous creatures stood guard over the sleeping animal.

At the entrance to the net, and on the outside of the line that marked the animals territory the guards Bill and Ben had there roots firmly planted, immovable objects salivated at the scene that was unfolding ahead, two insignificant figures under the protection of a ghastly dressed figure, blowing a whistle and making silly gestures with his hands did battle with the half wits.

Without speaking Bill and Ben hoped that the half wits would fail and fail they would the same as they always do, the same since time began, why do we have half’s they mussed they serve no purpose, we are the only ones our master speaks to, we are the only ones who hear his message. Come to us oh caped ones, come to your doom, your white rock and sticks our master will not see for we will not allow you to pass.

Our Master and his two disciples only fear the weapon DRAGFLICKIEARSE and to wield this weapon you must please the ghastly dressed figure who serves nobody but his own self interests for he is ruled by the gods of FIH and they are a mystery to us all.

So the epic continues…….

[Magpie]

cynick it look like I fluked the story as I did not know that you were posting at the same time (fate).

[cynick]

'Pie, your's is much better, onward with 'pie story line :D

[Redscotty]

FORWARD MAN, realising time was running out for young Middie, entered the lair of DR Golea and the ANIMAL. Bill and Ben, Dr Golies ever faithfull (but really not that smart) minions met FORWARD MAN with the cry "pick him up, he carries the rock on his stick, and means to attack the master"

Middie, watching the desparate action unfolding in front of him,(and with one eye on the great time piece) cried out "HOLY Addidas Forward man, their weakness is in their feet"

"NNOOOOOOOOOO!!!' moaned Dr Goalie, and in that instant realised that SERGEANT UMPIRE would unleash the fabled Whistle of the ancients, causing Bill and Ben to be instantly frozen, unable to take further part in defence of the lair.

Dr Goalie, looking around desparatly, smirked when his eye desended upon the sleeping Animal

"Awaken, my dark apprentice"

By this time FORWARD MAN had sent a message to his friends, the Justice League Of Field Players, and many had answered the call-

THE INJECTONATOR- half man, Half Machine "he gets the ball out, thats what he does, thats all he does"

THE DEFLECTICON-Transforms from human to sliding sticky thing, able to change direction in an instant

The Invisible man- Standing to the left of FORWRD MAN, no one really knows what he does

The BLACKSMITH- after a disfiguring accident as part of a DEFENDER horde when he was a child, the BLACKSMITH was brought over to the side of truth (BLA BLAH BLAH). He only has one super power, "if I'm going to hit it, Im goin to hit it hard". For years FORWARD MAN has tried to teach the young BLACKSMITH control of this power, but to no avail

And so dear reader, the two side of the same coin, the yin and yang, the black and white (GET ON WITH IT!!!)

yeah, whatever

The two side in this epic battle line up, The hulking, menacing disfigured Animal, the drooling and thuggish BILL and BEN, the confused, but speedy and brave half wits (SOMONE COME UP WITH A SUPER-NAME FOR THE OUTSIDE HALVES FOR GOD"S SAKE) against the superbly tuned and really quite attractive Justice League. The INJECTONATOR, took the white rock, looked into Middies eye and said

"it'll be back"

FORWARD MAN, using the telepathy he was famous for (?) sent a message to the Leagers-I'll use the DRAGFLICKIARSE, its the only way

Middie, his mind full of conflict, did not tell FORWARDMAN of his fears, having seen the animal confront the DRAGFLIKARSE in another place, and another time,

In a galaxy far far away

NEXT   

[Magpie]

Sorry readers I've been a bit busy and not been able to work on the next insatllment, I should have one done by tonight, however it will depend if anybody else posts a part then I will have to modify mine to suit.
By the way there is a reason why the half wits have at least one of their names, NITW may want to help explain (if he chooses)

[nerd_is_the_word]

Ha ha for those who dont know my name is Phil so magpie thought it would be funny to have me as a half-witted defender, personally i see myself more like forward man though, especialy regarding tantrums and the lazyness.