Confidence

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[mosley59]

I'm not expecting any useful tips to come out of this, but just felt like getting it off my chest.

In the last 3 weekends, I've umpired 2 men's games (had last weekend off due to an injury), and a few women's matches (I seem to get given a lot of women's matches and very few men's games, despite being male). After the first game two weeks ago, which I felt went alright, but wasn't completely happy with, a senior umpire who had been playing in the match came over after the game, and listed everything I'd done wrong in the match. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy with myself after that, and felt even worse after he ripped into me, yet praised the other umpire I was with (who's only in his 2nd season of umpiring).

Today, I umpired a higher grade men's match, where one team contained several friends. I made a few calls I know were wrong, and the team was unhappy with those (fair enough). However one of the players, who I would class as a good mate, was so exasperated he began to backchat me and swore at me, two things he's never done. Needless to say, I was NOT happy after that game either. I've lost a lot of confidence from those two games, and am now considering giving up umpiring for good and withdrawing from Rankin Cup, where I'm due to umpire the top secondary school men's teams in the country. If I'm doing so badly on low-grade local club stuff, then how will I handle top grade stuff like that? Any ideas on how to regain confidence when umpiring?

I know it's a rather complex issue, but any mental tricks that others have used would be much appreciated. I think that the wildly differing grades and genders that I'm being expected to umpire quite possibly have something to do with the problems I'm facing (different types of foul, speed of play, and vision issues), but am unable to get the UM to put me on consistent games.

[controller]

I know I am not the best qualified on here!

But, do not allow any player whether they are a friend or not to back chat or swear at you, heat of the moment can be blamed, but you are one of the match official and as a team talk to your colleague straight after the game and see what he/she says that will help.

First of all, back to your mate, you have 3 cards, do not be scared to use them, there is also the up 10, and keep doing it until they get the message, move someone 20 yards normally get the message, if if it involved upgrading to a PC, his own players will soon tell him to be quiet.

Now to the senior umpire, again I will say that person is wrong in the way he handled this game, I would never fully criticize any umpire, I would at least congratulate on some points, so for now ignore that player/umpire and forget the whole episode.

You have acknowledged that you made mistakes and that is half the battle of becoming a good umpire, you are not a machine, you are human and as we all know we all make mistakes, even those who do not think they do as a player or as an umpire.

I would get to some tournaments or even school games and get to umpire those games and get your experience up and by the way, do not give up yet, you never know, after some extra weeks with the whistle you might enjoy it. 

[Neo]

ouch....

you have my sympathy, indeed.  From what I have gleaned from Keely's writings in the past, there's a couple of important things to consider. Position & timing.  Keely made a post (sorry I haven't found the link yet) where she reflected on some performances, and realised that that being in the right position assists one with having a clear view of the field of play, and being able to anticipate and read the flow of the game.

Timing is important for giving the players encouragement that you are reading and understand the game for their benefit; again it is anticipating the flow of the game so you can decide whether to hold off or call an infringement.

We all can make mistakes, and I'd guess your body language wasn't displaying your confidence/control at the time of the games either. However, the senior umpire who ran through the negative criticisms did exactly the wrong thing after the game. A good UM will work with you and give the appropriate reinforcement, in context, without being hypercritical.  Some of the lower level games, whilst not being as fast or as skilled, can actually provide a harder  umpire development because that "earnest challenge" type of unskilled play often is a less open game and contains more technical infringements and close body contact & positioning ~ harder to read.

nevertheless, you have to work with the cards you are dealt, and not lose sight of the path. In time you will appreciate the range of playing styles and develop a range of umpiring skills to deal with them. Don't take it to heart.

[keely]

Thanks for the props, Neo.

We've all had problems with confidence, including me, and this is the approach I've taken.

Confidence isn't an attitude issue; it's a performance issue. That's how you need to look at it. You're getting feedback right now that your performance isn't up to standards. The question is not how to get your confidence back, or how to deal with the backchat/dissent/whatever - it's how to get your performance back.

You're probably at the point in your development where you yourself are also realizing what you're missing or getting wrong. When we begin we all have an incredible amount of naiveté, in that we have no idea about what we don't know. You've been posting on here for a few months, taking your umpiring seriously and doing a bunch of games, and now you're starting to see. "Whoa, I am getting stuff wrong!"

This is excellent!

Seriously. I work with and see enough umpires who have way too much confidence about their decision-making when they shouldn't. They fail to improve because they don't take responsibility or be accountable for the problem. It's the players and their bad attitudes, or it's the "I'm only human" approach (sorry, controller) where you don't take charge about doing better than you are. This is your big chance to make that quantum leap that so many umpires fail to make. It is a terrific thing!

So now it's time to buckle down. Sit down with some of the players and coaches that you've just umpired recently and have a good chat with them about what you did wrong from their perspective. Don't worry about getting their apologies for their behaviour; that'll come. Find out what was so exasperating and annoying. Was it a particular key decision? Was it just missing or misinterpreting the same kind of foul throughout? Was it a block of time in the match where maybe you made a clump of mistakes together? Was it the way you presented your decisions? Was it the way you spoke to the players at key moments?

This will serve two purposes. First of all, you'll get hard data about the areas you have to improve. Second, you'll send a clear message to the players that you are in fact taking responsibility for your performance and you're serious about getting better. That will earn some serious respect with them and also help build your relationships. You'll also get more practise about getting constructive feedback - whether it's positive or negative - without getting defensive or offering excuses.

Just listen. Ask more questions. Take it all in. Then come back to us, and we'll help.

I'm a very strong believer in everyone's innate ability to improve. There is no such thing as talent, but simply the work ethic to build the skills required. I also understand that a person's attitude is key - not their confidence at all, but their ability to subsume their pride and their commitment to put the work in. The other key is having access to mentors and coaches, formal or not, who can focus your work so that it produces the results you want.

So, you've got the ability to improve. You've got some informal mentors and coaches here, and probably some formal ones back home. Now, do you have the commitment?

You can do this.

[foozbear]

Mosley, I understand what your going through.

I started umpiring and due to transport issues I would on a weekly basis umpire a game..play my game and umpire a second. In OZ the standard format of games is 3rds, 2nds, 1sts. (or reversed occasionaly.)

This meant I would be umpiring my own club and even umpiring team mates. Many players on the 1st team were ex state players and even an international player.

having to umpire club/team mates led to many opportunities for them to outright abuse me get in my face about it. I started to take a Colina approach to umpiring and that in turn moved to policeman umpiring. This was effective at getting them to shut it for the most part.
What I did positivly was listen to the grievance...and go back and check the rules. Often I would surmise it may be an  interpretation issue. sometimes they would be flat out wrong.

as the 2nd season was drawing to a close, I overheard the same guys abusing me in the 1st season talking, They were reffering to umpiring and how it had gotten way better than last year.

I took the overheard praise and tried to work on that.

this year I nearly gave up umpiring due to abuse. But I had to sit down and think and reassess what umpiring meant to me. I have now changed the policeman and am working on new things.

All I can say is to take abuse as a duck takes water onto the back. If you have a friend on the team ask them to calm the abuse down if you have to umpire them again.
For me..no advice on my umpiring is bad advice...even a ripped into after the game is prefferable to nothing.

What sorts of things did your senior player rip into you about?

Listen to Keely. she has said alot of what I am doing right now.

[g9]

I am just starting to umpire at more competitive matches than the state level high school games I've been doing some years now, and just a while ago I got a last minute, unexpected opportunity to work a regional tournament under our Olympic Development program.  I grabbed the chance as the first opportunity to get a foot into the US system, and to my utter horror I worked my second game that day with a fellow who is up there in the system and was in fact in the UM for the tournament.  He knew I was trying to take my game to the next level, and I trusted that I was at least competent enough to get the job done.  But...I was nervous as hell and worried that I might screw up something or not get it all right, so of course I was trying extra hard to get everything right and be everywhere, never make a mistake.  Funny thing was, during the game, I made mental note of his incredibly calm presence, his signaling and positioning....all the little things that made him the official no one questions or harasses even when his call might not be the one I would have gone for.  And the more I noticed about what was right with his game, the more I realized the "perfect" game I was trying to show him I had was anything but!!  And sure enough, after the game, he meets me half way to start on a laundry list of my failings!  OUCH! 

Well, the thing is, he was right and I knew it!  I had a different tournament to work the next day and thought I could either keep the feedback (and humiliation I kind of felt!) to myself and try to improve on my own, or just ask to be given guidance, to have the UM there take a look at what I was doing and see if she could help me with the issues I was focusing on.  So I told her what I was working on improving that day and what the critique had been from the other umpire the day before.  After our first game she said "stop... just stop.  When you have to blow for a foul, just stand still and hold your arm out for direction, if it's advantage, you've already got the arm out anyway, and the whistle just confirms that advantage ends.  If anyone asks what the foul was then you can signal."  In our next game, it was like instant authority when I took her advice.  I stopped  doing and thinking 10 different things at once, I got calmer and I focused more intently on the play and where I needed to be in relation to her and the players.  I felt myself get a little more invisible if that makes sense...the game flowed better the less I got in the way of it with fretting about my end of things and it all just felt better. 

So long story short....I agree with what Keely says....ask for advice from someone you trust and respect, ask them to help you pick apart your game and put the pieces back together.  I knew from looking at the first umpire's game some of what was missing in mine (even before he said it), and the umpire the second day helped me clear off the clutter to try to get there.  It was humbling to be told I was not where I wanted to be--not even close!-- but I figured there was only one way to get there and it wasn't going to get better if I threw off all criticism and didn't take a hefty portion of it to heart, or if I simply quit.  I was even told by some coaches and other umpires at the second day's tournament that I had made some good calls, so the process of one step up and two steps back continues! 

[UmpireHockey.com]

Two types of people you want to be particularly careful about NOT negatively impacting confidence levels -- the goalkeepers and the umpires.

In response to the issue of confidence, take to heart what Keely said.

What cries out to me from G9's and Mosley's posts is that it sounds like there are two too many people out there giving coaching to umpires.

A laundry list of problems is easy. Let's say instead of umpiring you were running a race -- a mile. You come off the track and your coach gives you a laundry list of all the parts of the race that were bad --- "Your start was bad, your first turn was bad, your first straight away was bad, your second turn......."

There's your laundry list. Not difficult to build. Just a crappy approach, a bad coach.

What the coach should have said was, "Work on your fitness." Also easy. A better approach, a good coach. Then they could work with you on taking more sophisticated steps....like pacing, positioning, even breathing, etc.

G9 -- Without seeing your outing, sounds like maybe the umpire on the second day was suggesting that you simplify your post call actions. Is that right? Were you trying to show every secondary signal? I instruct my newbies to absolutely NOT show secondary signals in their first year. A lot of beginners also do the "wobbly drunk" dance after every whistle (what we used to tell my son was the "pee pee" dance when he was about 3 years old).

I ask my newbies to blow the whistle and (when reasonable) plant themselves like a gymnast on a landing! I tell them, "S. S. S." Still Straight Smile. Then in a game if they get sloppy (because they're nervous and are worried about doing EVERYTHING right) I only have to say, "Triple S." as a reminder. They instantly remember and it gives them something simple to focus on. Within a minute they'll be blowing their whistle again, then they'll successfully stand still, stand up straight and smile. Two things....they performed THAT successfully and they're smiling. Confidence rises.

Cheers...Cris

[g9]

well actually Cris, I was trying to use my example as a message to mosely that if he wants to keep working at his game, finding someone to help him analyze what he is doing that may or may not be working would help....echoing what Keely suggested albeit with a personal story to support that idea.  I have found mentors and coaches that suit my personality and work ethic to help me work through some of the issues I have in my own game and I hope mosely is lucky in that too as I sense he wants to improve but may not know where to begin!  Be open to opportunities and learning experiences, even when they are painful is maybe what I should have said!..........that, and stick with it!

[mosley59]

Thanks for the replies guys. Just to clarify, I did deal with the abuse from my mate. I reversed the FH I'd just awarded him, and then marched him for the swearing that followed. The swearing just got to me because it reinforced for me how poorly I felt was doing controlling it. And Fooz, he ripped into me about a non-call for 3rd party obstruction I'd completely missed/hadn't thought was worth blowing, a couple of times I hadn't blown for raised balls (he insists they were all deliberately raised, which I disagree with, even though most of them were safe), and a goal I awarded that had hit a defender above the knee where I'd missed the ball hitting him (the circle was very full and it was hard to see what was going on in there, so I don't blame myself 100% for that one).

I think the issues I had were related to missing fouls. I've been doing the top club women's games mainly, as I said, and have found the fouls there to be very easy to spot and blow, possibly due to the openness of the play and style of play. With the men's game I did yesterday, and the first one with the senior umpire, I found that the obstructions were less clear-cut and harder to spot, as were the hacks, and I had no idea how other umpires in the grade had been blowing it. When I played on I got abuse, and it seemed every second time I blew it the teams didn't think it should have been blown. As well as that, the amount of player control needed for men is far more than women, so I haven't had much practice in that this season (or in the last 3, since I rarely get men's games for some reason). Added to that the fact my co-umpire wasn't taking any notice of my signals and was umpiring completely differently to how I do, and you can see why I was so far out of my comfort zone, basically being a solo umpire forced to adopt a different style to usual in order to be consistent with the other umpire. My positioning is a bit of an issue at the moment too (too deep/square), since I can't run properly due to shin problems, which in turn has affected my vision. Hopefully they'll clear up with a reduced workload and then I can fix my positioning again.

[jtsoldier]

I've lost a lot of confidence from those two games, and am now considering giving up umpiring for good and withdrawing from Rankin Cup, where I'm due to umpire the top secondary school men's teams in the country.

No. No. No.

Ok - I was going to post this in my own thread when I got a chance today, but it seems to be quite appropriate here...

I was borderline giving-up myself on Friday night (as in... two nights ago) when I had my worst "hockey night" thus far. Fortunately, I had more games the next day, or I'd've pulled out entirely. That, I believe, was the result of a series of incidents that shook my own confidence.

Friday is my... second longest day of the week for hockey. It started with top level intermediate kids - which started well, but I was a bit shaken when (my fear at that level has always been an injury) one of the players had the ball come up his stick and smack him in the face. This went on to form into self-doubt - "should I have given a freehit for the offense just before that happened?" - and, with three consecutive games afterwards, I was unable to really sit down and rationalise (of course, now I know that advantage with the possible earlier freehit was the right call, and the injury occuring was more like 'freak accident' with no one at fault).
Next game started off well, but then the kids started to question my calls (took me sufficiently by surprise... 13 year olds? I am 19, with a beard - I look about 25), to which I pretty much brushed off, but all the same, some form of self-doubt rises - they might be young, but they have some understanding of the rules. Then my own team showed up (we had a club game immediately after), and I suffered the distraction of talk from the sideline.
Then it was my own time to play. That went ok, minus my deflection of the ball into the opponents goal.. which came off the back of my stick, to my shinpad, into the goal... incredible. Wow, now THAT is a knock to the self-confidence - I fumbled a shot on goal. Might not be relevant to my umpiring, but it definitely contributed to my feelings at the end of the night. At the end of the first half, one of the opposing team shot a ball straight into my foot (mistimed the jump), and that was me kaput - I subbed off for the rest of the game. So, by now I am feeling terrible (see where I am going?).
Then the rest of the game came and went. At it's conclusion, we were told we were assigned to be the duty team, so (my team now aware that I had some umpiring experience), I was nominated to umpire the next game.

Now - the "bad game" in question, and the slippery slope I call "what not to do when umpiring senior men's games".  The other umpire was assigned by the association, and I'd umpired with her before - incredibly, like all my tough games, I end up getting supplied with the best possible co-umpire (don't know how I get such luck!). If I wasn't in admiration at the beginning of the game, I was by the end.

The game started fairly well, but I had already had her point out one player to me who she was convinced would get physical (she was right too). Excluding the one-off blatant obstruction by that player, the real components of the slippery slope were allowing too much talk (which led to undermining my confidence) and the loss of confidence which led to inconsistency (if it isn't an offense, don't blow it). They capitalised on the inconsistency to talk more, with the same effect - undermined confidence, and even more inconsistency (hence: slippery slope!). By the end of the game, I felt I had umpired my worst game all season. And it was the end of the night, so no chance at jumping "straight[!] back on that horse" like so many people advise.

The downtime was a good thing. I walked home, and in the downtime I was able to rationalise. My inconsistencies weren't inconsistent at all - if you can't see it, you really can't blow it. If it appears to favour one team over the other, then it is a case of "sorry" and repetition of those words - "if I can't see it, I can't blow it". It is a fact - entirely irrefutable. It is for that reason, if you are honest in its use, that it occassionally saves you in an assessment - positioning dependent.

Anyway, having rationalised, I then had the advantage (that you, likely, do not), of umpiring lower-level intermediate games (10/11/12 year olds) first thing Saturday morning, so I repaired my lost confidence in a lower-pressure environment with less need for control (I tend to over-rely on voice and whistle, leaving me too lenient for cards). Fact is, slower and lower-level games are easier to umpire - and therefore easier to be confident, and build that confidence up, and, importantly, you can RELAX. I had the rather jarring effect of having the local top-umpire (also umpire coach and assessor) watch my final game of the morning (assessing the other umpire), and that put me off quite considerably, but it still went considerably better than it could have - though I had the advantage of positive reinforcement as he came on at half time, reminded us both to relax, and for me to play more advantage (they played soccer for a good 5 minutes). We also discussed my nomination to Boys' tournament. He explained that it might be better that I attend the Girls' tournament (hosted locally) so that I could have better support, and umpire to a better standard - but then the elaboration: the girls play slightly slower, and so I could do a better job, thereby building more confidence before sending me to Boys' tournament - to put things back in proportion... "throwing me in the deep end". I feel that this discussion had confirmed my thoughts on the previous night precisely (I just wasn't quite articulate enough at the time to reason so effectively).

Now, having had a good morning, I did my typical observation of the afternoon's games., but watching is a bad idea when there is an umpire shortage - and I ended up being asked to do the U18 Girls mini-tournament. I refused - I was approaching another (typical Saturday) 12 hour "hockey day", and I was underqualified. Within an hour, they returned and told me that they now needed an umpire for both the Division 2 Mens game (club), or I could do the U18 Girls. Desperate for experience, but not to be overwhelmed (for the second night straight) I accepted the club game (of note, Division 2 Men are ABOVE the level that I had on Friday - when it "went to the dogs"). I was also forewarned that one team was argumentative, and I knew the other one was (the same club, including players from the previous night!). Anyway, as opposed to the caution, progressive green, and the straight yellow from Friday, it was remarkably well behaved - a single caution and a reversed freehit! If only I could work out what had been done so well in controlling it!

Anyway, to conclude.. or summarise.. or whatever. We all have bad days - some worse than others.
Careful with the perception - don't worry about club appointments so much! At this stage, I'm likely to be "downgraded" from Boys' tournament to Girls' (I understand it isn't "the same", as I am in my first season!), but to me, it is beneficial, not detrimental. I have the opportunity to improve and focus on my real weaknesses - control in particular still has some severe shortcomings. I get the feeling you are getting into another jtsoldieresque circular-slippery-slope - confidence is hit, therefore performance is hit, therefore gradings and appointments are hit, therefore your confidence is hit, etc.

I am sorry that the senior umpire was so harsh with you, but try not to take it too personally.

I had many more points to make here when I started writing this, sometime ago, but I've [almost!] forgotten them all.
I am sorry this has ended up so long - yet not entirely tailored to your request for tips, but I am of the belief that reassurance, as well as my own nightmare of a weekend was a worthwhile addition - even if it serves as only a temporary solution, as opposed to the permanent solution which you seek.

PS - To conclude my weekend, I have another game this evening between two local rep teams, which should go well.

[foozbear]

And Fooz, he ripped into me about a non-call for 3rd party obstruction I'd completely missed/hadn't thought was worth blowing, a couple of times I hadn't blown for raised balls (he insists they were all deliberately raised, which I disagree with, even though most of them were safe), and a goal I awarded that had hit a defender above the knee where I'd missed the ball hitting him (the circle was very full and it was hard to see what was going on in there, so I don't blame myself 100% for that one).

I fully understand the circumstances you are under. Keely and I both were doing a national mens training camp game and 99.9% of the game was handled great...no issues...no bad sillyness.  LAST play of the game..attacker runs in towards the D 1st defender whacks his stick. attacker still had the ball so its advantage, about 4-5yards from the 1st incident a 2nd defender takes the ball cleanly.
As I felt the attacker hadnt recieved the proper advantage I called the 1st foul outside the circle. ONE player thought it was a bad call and hit the ball away. I awarded the PC.

After the game he approached me and starts trying to enforce his point of view...I said that the first player committed the foul and his one was ok..but the player didnt get a fair advantage from the 1st foul and thats why I called it...he storms off saying its a bullshit call.

Keely said that maybe the best thing at the time is either say...yeah your probably right, I'll try to get it right in the future. Or I could of said ...the attacker hadnt gained an opportunity for advantage and thats why I called the 1st foul.

Both could most probably got me out of trouble. It takes a lawyer to say exactly the right thing.

sounds like you did the right thing. ANd maybe taking a look at how you handled it would help you if the situation ever comes up again. I have taken to talking more...a ball is raised I either shout its good/no danger there play on...or yup..thats a little too dangerous lets take a free back there please. this might help or it might not.
is this a new thing thats been happening or has it been going on for a while?

[keely]

Thanks for sharing, jt. Looks like you're on the right path. It'll take time before you start to see the pattern with games that go well and games that don't - I've been studying it for years and although I think I have a handle on it now
it took ages. Of course, knowing how I should be doing it and getting it done in tough games is something different altogether...

jt's story reminded me about my own confidence crisis, which I wrote about on my blog some time back. I wrote about my own struggles just for this reason - so that other umpires going through their own crisis may stumble upon part one: how i lost my swagger and part two: i got my swagger back and feel a bit better about their own situation and get inspired to turn it around. Here's an exerpt:

So here it is: I'd spent 4 weeks trying to add one little signal to my game, and I was a mess. Well, really, maybe it wasn't just about that signal. Coming off the nightmare in the Dominican that I did, I was shaken. I didn't want to admit it consciously, because we all know that nothing sends your umpiring to hell in a hand basket than admitting that you've lost your confidence. But I was trying to change something, make some aspect of my game better, and I was failing. Over and over again. In the back of my mind, it was there. Maybe they're right. Maybe I don't have it. Maybe I'm nothing more than a career minor-leaguer, a Pan Am umpire destined to do a tournament in a year between teams ranked 32nd and 33rd in the world, until I fall off the radar screen entirely years before my retirement age.

Everything was being compounded by the fact that I'd left my family and friends (and therefore my biggest supporters) behind to travel across the world to a country where an FIH badge earned somewhere other than in England, Germany, the Netherlands, Argentina, Australia or New Zealand means that it was basically fraudulently obtained. Umpiring is so much my focus right now it feels like it's all that I do, and all that I think about when I'm not doing it - talk about creating your own pressure.

I wanted to get outside my comfort zone, and yep, I was so uncomfortable my skin itched my own muscles and sinew.

Riveting! Anyway, it's there if you want to check it out.

Back to mosley59...

I think the issues I had were related to missing fouls... When I played on I got abuse, and it seemed every second time I blew it the teams didn't think it should have been blown. As well as that, the amount of player control needed for men is far more than women, so I haven't had much practice in that this season... Added to that the fact my co-umpire wasn't taking any notice of my signals and was umpiring completely differently to how I do, and you can see why I was so far out of my comfort zone, basically being a solo umpire forced to adopt a different style to usual in order to be consistent with the other umpire. My positioning is a bit of an issue at the moment too (too deep/square), since I can't run properly due to shin problems...

Wow, there's lots of issues there, but that's great, because there's a lot to work on.

First, it sounds like at least some of your issues are coming from your fitness problem. Not that having an injury means you're not fit overall, but right now, you're not fit to umpire those games. Umpiring through injuries can sometimes be a good thing because you're forced to run far more efficiently - if you're like me when I was a young whipper-snapper (was I ever?), I ran like a woman possessed up and down the sidelines, very anxious to be in the right spot... because I didn't know where that right spot was going to be until something actually happened. Now I'm older and more experienced, I run far less and yet am in the right place most of the time. Being forced into that can work, but it sounds like it's not the right time for you in your development, and especially when you're starting to be exposed to faster and more competitive styles of hockey with the men's.

So you need to be honest with yourself - how can you get yourself healthy so that you can give yourself a chance to be in the right position to make those decisions? Whatever needs to be done, do it. If it means icing regularly, getting physio treatment, doing rehab exercises, or getting some rest, do it. The bottom line is that you simply can't be more accurate if you can't get into the right position.

I'm also interested with your comment about working with your co-umpire who "wasn't taking any notice of your signals". This question is probably worth it's own topic but in giving you something to think about, why were you signaling for your partner when they weren't looking for your help? Why were you insisting on helping your colleague with things that presumably you thought they were missing, when you were struggling to get it right in your own area of control? Just some thoughts, which I think you could pick up in another topic of your making about cooperation with your colleague (and there's some great threads in the Game Management & Communication section for some background reading).

It's a great start, and I'm glad you've gotten some feedback so far. Now I think you need to get specific feedback on why half your calls were getting a dismayed reaction. Are you blowing the whistle because you've heard sticks clashing but nothing's really happened? Are you blowing down the play when the attacker actually has advantage? Are you seeing it go off the wrong foot? Are you misunderstanding obstructions (like the third-party your friend was so hot about)? If you're having primarily flow/control problems, that's one issue, or accuracy issues in terms of what you're seeing is another, or understanding what you've seen and pointing the right way is a third. It could be you've got all of them, but they have different causes and different consequences for your performance.

It would be very worth having a respected colleague, umpire coach, or even experienced player watch you in a match and statistically (or otherwise) keep track of the type of mistakes you're making. Video would also be very helpful so you can see not necessarily what you're missing, but see where your positioning is when you're making errors.

But like I wrote on my blog:

It took me several days and the Sunderland vs. Poynton game to find the "keeping it simple" part. As my buddy John always says, everything flows from correct positioning. Accuracy, presentation, credibility, confidence - if you're in the right spot, everything is easy. So I dropped any thoughts of style with my arms, or worrying about whether the players could speak Canadian or not such that I needed to translate my verbiage into British, or whether I had a streamlined international presence and just made sure that I was ahead of the play, tight to my post and otherwise where I needed to be.

It worked.

Start out with the simple stuff. Get your positioning in order, and then you can start addressing the rest because the foundation of accuracy (and thus, your performance) will be in place.

Hope that helps.

[justin]

Thanks, keely, for some very useful input.
The difficulty about taking criticism is in not taking it personally...the complaints are about what you did or did not DO, not about you as a person (unless, of course you'd, say lost your temper!).
So stand-back from it a bit.

The LAST thing you need after a bad day at the office is to be given what I call 'A 49-point Plan for Re-Structuring Your Personality'
The UM who gave just ONE piece of well-judged advice got it right, IMO....you need to identify just ONE or TWO 'points for improvement' for your next game. Getting those right will do wonders for your confidence...you'll feel you are 'beginning to win'.

'Feedback' is fine ......abuse is not. Umpires who play are among the worst, IME, along with vets and schoolteachers, who tend to think they 'know better'

Feedback from respected players and umpires is best.....more likely to be constructive and helpful. Ask them "What ONE thing do you think would most improve my performance?"

As keely says, confidence comes from working on improving your performance (but one bite at a time!).

[Bondy]

Couldn't agree more, Justin.

For any umpire (and I'm sure Keely and the other top umpires on the forum will agree with this) It's simply not possible to fix everything that's not right with your game in one go - just work on one or two things at a time; when you're happy with those, then pick a couple more and so on.

Listen to what everyone says. Even if it's negative or abusive, listen, then go away and think about it - not "why did he call me an idiot"etc,  but "is there any truth in what he's saying" (about your decisions, not your parentage!!). If the answer is that it was just an angry player saying things in the heat of the moment, then forget about it. But if you think, "well, maybe he had a point - I might've been wrong on those obstructions (or whatever)", then think about what you might be doing wrong and what you can do to fix it. And don't be afraid to say to the person next week "I didn't like the way you said it, but I've been thinking about it and you had a point - hopefully I'll be better today" - you can gain a lot of respect that way; the player will probably go away thinking that you're not so bad after all, especially if you do umpire better.

If you aren't able to self-analyse (and it's not an easy skill to master), find one or two people whose opinions you really trust and ask them to help you.

And above all, don't let a couple of bad games get you down. I had what I think is still my worst ever game three weeks before my first NZ U21 tournament - luckily I had an FIH ump on the other end so at least it was only half the turf in a shambles! A couple of beers and a good chat afterwards, and my next game went a lot better. Within a month of that horror game, I got the final at U21s and a promotion to National League. The disaster happens to everyone - recognise that, accept it, and come back stronger.

[justin]

Yes...it isn't easy to say "But is there some truth in there?" after what appears to be abuse, but we should continually ask "How did I contribute to this having happened?" and "What might I have done (earlier?) to have prevented its happening?" which leads us to "Is there something I can do or say in my next game which might 'pre-empt' this sort of situation?".

It's all too easy to say "He was just a prat!" and "It wasn't my fault!" ....in ALL sorts of 'life situations'....but maybe rather than looking for someone(else) to 'blame', we need to be a bit more 'adult' and accept a measure of RESPONSIBILITY (not 'blame') for our contribution to its having happened.
Then we can learn!