Best comments from the field

As a side topic the the Urban Myths - the rules that don't exist, I thought we needed a topic to share the best comments we have heard recently!!!

As a start, this is one that had me laughing outright today: long hard pass from center field to the left wing who attempts to stop the ball but it comes off his stick onto his knee. After the foul was blown and a hit given against him (defender well within playing distance and beaten by the bounce off the knee), the wing shouts out "What is wrong with that? It hit my knee and not my foot"

I always liked my friend's response to being asked to stand further away from the sideline when we were waiting for the match before us to finish, "I'm sorry, I naturally assumed you were going to play on the pitch!". Got the team (University of Leeds) a warning from the Union when the team playing complained.

Umpire calls captain over for gobbing off:

Umpire: 'I've been watching you'
Captain: 'That's your problem, you should be watching the bloody game man!'

Captain earns chance to reflect for five minutes

Here's another little gem. Attacker lofts one over the defence into the the circle (no danger - no one near = no offence) Attacker races in on a defender as the ball is dropping. The attacker is clearly creating the danger so fhd is awarded. Defender replies - "Thanks ump, I see today we are playing to the rules".

[pedantry] defender initial receiver, not dangerous play, blah, blah,bah [/pedantry] lol

Background:

Inadvisable clump from defender from behind, resulting in some squaring up as the long whistle was being blown. Defender despatched for 5 mins (the third yellow of the game, which had also had 3 greens).

Attacker, whose team are 4-0 with 10 to play, called over to ask him to simmer down, understand you're frustrated, etc.

His response to request to simmer down: "You need to start getting your cards out".

So I did. Again.

His swearing as he turned to walk of ensured he didn't come back on, unlike the guy who'd just fouled him.

???

GK, having just had a PC awarded after he swept the ball over the back-line:
"Thanks, Ump!"
Me: "What for?"
GK: "For thinking I am good enough to have done that intentionally!"

GK, having just had a PC awarded after he swept the ball over the back-line:
"Thanks, Ump!"
Me: "What for?"
GK: "For thinking I am good enough to have done that intentional
i have been guilty of using this one on more than one occasion

Attacker takes the ball to the back line - and about a foot over the back line before pulling it back to a colleague who puts it in the goal. Umpire gives goal. Reasonable amount of questioning from defence but none went too far and it calmed down.

Just before play restarts captain says to umpire

"Just so we all know - are there any other rules we won't be playing today?"

Unfortunately for him the yellow card rule wasn't one of them.

Ball comes flying on the sideline and the attacker does one of those reach around miraculous traps
I blow my whistle against him. A quick free hit and play is away, I look at the guy and go "I just f*%ked that one up didnt I?"
He replies "Yep. But thats not the issue... I couldnt even do that again if I tried"

During a close match last summer I called a PC after the ball hit a defender's foot in the circle. The defending team didn't think the opposition gained an advantage, but I did hence the call. There were protests and stink-eyed looks. On the subsequent PC, a goal is scored (a reasonably good one.) Sweeper screams at me, "That's what happens when you make bad calls!" to which I replied "No, that's what happens when you make bad defense."

I felt clever at the time but I probably should have kept it to myself :sorry:

Though it's another "bite the tongue" one, I've done games where a team has been awful at say Penalty Corners and has messed them all up yet when you play advantage and their player gets a good shot off, but misses, they say "we'd rather have the PC" and you think "uh why?".

Having been on the receiving end of a few too many comments from a rather gobby keeper, the keeper in question let a ball through his legs and into the goal...

As I started signaling the goal I said "Mind the gap please" and gave two peeps of the whistle. Keeper wasn't too impressed but he didn't say anything afterwards!!


*Do not try this one at home*

Def "What was that for ump?

me "Choice of three. Which would you like A, B or C?"

Def "Fair enough ump."

OK OK...

I have two...

first one this last weekend...

Umpire on the far side, PC goes...deflected off the defenders stick I can see it from where I am...the umpire doesnt look at me...awards a 16...still doesnt look at me...Im standing watching him...nothing...as I run past the coach (of the attacking team in the PC), he says " might want to get him to call a firend, He is missing a great game"

Nothing I could do..but laugh as Im running off to get into position.

The Second one....

A senior umpire awards a FHD, The attacker is complaining about something that happended outside the D...while they had advantage and wouldnt stop about it...next thing all you hear from the Umpire." I Don't CARE" which all the umpires looked and asked each other..." we can do that?" He has not lived it down yet...and as long as Im umpiring I will never let him forget either. IT stopped the player arguing though!

OK, heard this one first hand from the umpire in question.

Back in the 70's a recent ex-FIH umpire with Jewish roots was umpiring an international vets tournament - most players knew each other inside out from the late 60's early 70's international scene. The weekend was about revelry as much as rivalry and the tournament was played in generally a great spirit. However, the German team took itself rather seriously. When umpiring Ireland v Germany, German defender puts in a robust tackle inside his 25 in the first couple of minutes, umpire blows a long whistle and gives a PC.

Defender: "What was that for, umpire?"
Umpire: "Auschwitz"

A couple of years later, the same umpire was in Canterbury, NZ, (he was also a member of the MCC and travelled to all corners of the world to watch England). Walking down the high street with his East HUA sweater on, he was stopped by a passer by who asked if that was an East HUA sweater. He confirmed it was, to which the passer by asked "Wow, do you know the 'Auschwitz' umpire?"

RIP Mike.

From an indoor match. Ball is injected and stopped before shot. 3 injections, three shots, three goals all disallowed by the umpire for not being stopped dead. Captain asks "are you taking into consideration that the earth is rotating" umpires response, straight yellow. You umpires have no sense of humour....

Run for your life.... haha

Not sensible

I spent the whole of one match being told the rules by a 14 year old, turns out they were the rules from like 10 years ago, and he kept telling me how shocking my colleague was....... Eventually I lost patience and told him to be quiet (nicely....... ish) and he turned to me and said "Well these are just things that I think you need to know, after all you are an umpire you should know the rules and how to apply them." He went silent when I reminded him what rule 15 was actually about after he told me that it was to do with the "Umpiring Handbook"...... grr


Edit: SO you don't all think I'm stupid - What Rule 15!?

Rule 15 might be paraphrased, especially for players, as "It is unwise/counter-productive to p155 orf the person holding the whistle and cards"